Taking a Deep Dive into Your Intimate Relationship: Taking A Relationship Assessment
You may have known your boyfriend/ girlfriend for some time, but you start to lose confidence or even doubt about whether you both have strengths as a couple whenever you two argue without any resolutions?
Or maybe you and your partner are ready to make a lifelong commitment and yet at time a small voice creeps up wondering if marriage is still a right direction for you.
Or perhaps you and your spouse have a marriage. But occasionally you don’t see eye to eye with your spouse have different opinions or perspectives on some of the domains in life, and you wish you could do a deep dive on how to bring you both be on the same page?!
Does one of the above scenarios resonate with you?
One of the cures to approach relationship issues is to take a relationship assessment. Using a psychometrically-sound relationship measurement as a tool helps to do a “deep dive” your intimate relationship. There is a myriad of benefits for couples taking a relationship assessment, and I want to provide you with some important perspectives on the reasons why taking a relationship assessment can not only help you take a deep dive into your intimate relationship, but also maximize your couples counseling if you’ve already worked with a couple therapist.
Taking an Assessment helps you to be more open and motivated to discuss relationship topics with your partner
My couples shared with me that they don’t know how to start a calm and develop a deep conversations about the conversations with their partner/ spouse because they were never being taught about how to do it! In some cultures, topics like intimate relationships are neither taught in the school nor discussed at home. Because relationship assessments provide a concrete structure, taking a relationship assessment is a gateway to discussing your relationship with your partner and that it helps you to be more open and motivated to understand your intimate relationship.
Taking an assessment gives you a snapshot of the strength and growth areas of your relationship.
Couples are easily tempted to focus on few specific areas where they tend to have conflicts with each other and may overlook the areas they do well. Or on the opposite end, couples who rarely argue may think that their marriage is doing well. A psychometrically sound relationship assessment can give you an overview of your relationship across several categories. For instance, Prepare-Enrich assessment covers a wide range of domains, including communication, conflict resolution, finances, sexual intimacy, life styles, and spiritual beliefs. The result based on the relationship assessment gives you a snapshot of the strength and growth areas of your intimate relationship. You have a clear view on the areas where you and your partner do well, and at the same time pay attention to the growth areas that you and your partner may want to improve.
A relationship assessment is a preventative tool
Once you have some ideas about what areas in your intimate relationship need to grow, the work that you and your partner will be doing are the preventative steps against your relationship from breaking down. For instance, if the score on emotional disengagement and loneliness is quite high, I will help the couple not only to discuss what led to their loneliness, but also to explore what helps them to connect with each other more. In a way, the relationship assessment itself provides a preventative tool to address the issues that may keep their relationship breaking down in the long run. Another example, when the score on Four Horsemen on Gottman Check Up is high, the couple will learn effective communication skills to express their positive needs with empathy instead of speaking to their spouse with criticism or contempt.
Maximize effectiveness in couples counseling
As a couple and marriage therapist, one of the benefits of using the relationship assessment in my work with couples is its effectiveness in developing treatment goals for my couples. For instance, Gottman Check up Tool is save time-saving resource to show clarity, accuracy and in-depth of my couples’ relationships. As a provider, I can provide a roadmap for personalized overviews, treatment plans, and specific recommendations for each couple based on the report. It also saves time (and money!) to cut down assessment time, because the results given by the assessment point a way for the therapist and couples to tailor a course of therapy that is best suited for them!
If you’re looking for a couples therapist, you can inquire if the therapist is trained or has received the certification on conducting relationship assessments, such as PREPARE/ENRICH for couples who are thinking to be engaged (or be ready to make a life-long commitment), or a global relationship assessment, i.e. Gottman Relationship Check Up Assessment. Dr. Ching-Ching Ruan is trained for both relationship assessments. Please feel free to contact her at drchingchingruan@v2020counseling.com
Resources:
PREPARE/ENRICH couples: https://www.prepare-enrich.com/couples/
PREPARE/ENRICH premarital: https://www.prepare-enrich.com/the-assessment/premarital/
A preview for the Gottman Checkup: https://checkup.gottman.com/couples
Gottman Love Lab Assessment: https://www.gottman.com/love-lab/